We laugh at your misfortune

Regretful Submission – Fat Girl = New Bed

This story comes to us from a guy who has done 2 tours in Iraq.  Ooooorah! 

Name: J.W.

Age (at the time): Early 20’s

Profession (at the time): Student

Ok so here is one for all you jerkoffs that go around saying that they would never fuck a fat chick.  Here I am in 2003 freshman in college, and fresh out of a tour in Iraq.  I am fucking everything that I can get remotely close to my meat stick, and up to this point they have all been worthy of stuffing my cock in.

Well on the night of this incident I was out with some buddies who are some champion pussy ropers.  We go out to this bar for some karaoke and just some general good times to start the night, with no intention of pulling anything out of this bar. 

If you were to see this bar you would understand why. I will paint a picture for ya.  Imagine a bar that was built about 70 years ago and has not been renovated or built onto since.  Loggers in full logger garb from the nearby lumber mill are the main clientele.  So you can imagine the type of chicks that hang in here.  Thus, a good reason not to hook up with any of them.

Here I am (a few shots and 8 or so beers along) when this chick starts looking my way.  She looks pretty good in the low light from where I am standing.  Of course she is sitting down so I cant really tell how big this chick is.  Well a few more shots and a couple beers later she decides to come over and ask me for a light.  I light her up and she starts up a conversation. 

One thing leads to another and the next thing I know I am playing a game of pool with her.  Now I have a thing for big tits…luv em, and she keeps bending over and these things are about to jump out of whatever slutty shirt she was wearing.

Well to kinda hurry this along my buddies see what filthy things are about to happen to me so they take off and leave me at the mercy of this fat ass.  She was about 5ft 9in and pushing about 180.

So the bar closes down, I pile into my car, and we head to my house.  Yeah yeah I know never bring a fat chick to your own house.  I was drunk what can I say.  We get upstairs and I start in on this bitch.  I feel like one of the old time buffalo hunters skinning a prize kill.

So as I am piling this girl up on my old ass bed when mid stroke, the fucking bed breaks.  No shit the mattress goes right through the frame on one side.  Now a lesser man may have stopped right there, but not this fuckin champ.  I kept going on this lopsided bed until I had finished. 

I woke up in the morning wondering what the fuck happened to my bed the night before, and then it hits me.  So I tell this filthy whore (who had not left) that I have to go work out, and that she needs to get her fat ass out from under my covers and into my car so I can drop her off. 

During the drive I brought up the thought of her buying me a new bed frame…..(that didn’t go over so well)  So I had to buy a new one myself.  Hey I needed a new bed anyway right?


I think the Moral here is:  When you need to buy a need bed, have a fat filthy sloth completely break your old one first? 


April 26, 2008 Posted by | Regretful Stories | , , , | 2 Comments

Fat drunk chicks can make a boring night fun

Our favorite bar was packed, it was after 12am, and we wanted to drink.  We made a judgement call to try the place next door.  Dan grabs us a table right near the entrance and we proceed to get wasted.  I’m thinking to myself this will probably be an uneventful Friday night…then I see “her”.

Some chick dressed in a 70’s outfit is stumbling, dancing, and making out with every single thing that she barrels in to.  Maybe this new bar wasn’t such a bad idea!

What is it about alcohol that makes fat, rhythmless chicks think they can dance?   I took some quick cell phone footage of her dancing in the entrance.  A small line had formed outside, but no one had the balls to push her out of the way.

Drunk Chick – Watch more free videos

Events that take place after this: 

Dan and I convince fat chick to make out with Adam.  We tell Adam that the girl he just kissed has STD’s, and made out with 7 guys before him.  Adam panics and begins washing his mouth out with shots of Vodka.  Tori gives stalker guy her phone number.  We get Adam out of the bar when he starts yelling.  Dan pulls Adam away from cab after Adam says “I’ll fucking kill you” for no reason to the driver.  I take Tori home while Dan sits with Adam for a few minutes in the parking lot.  I get home and receive the following text:

From: Adam 

Dude Im playin chicken with thense mosfos!

Apparently Dan felt Adam was OK to drive.  No worries, the following chat session proves he made it home.

[21:47] RegretfulMorn: will u get mad
[21:47] RegretfulMorn: if i write about you kissing that drunk bitch
[21:47] RegretfulMorn: on regretful morning
[21:48] Adam: Lol
[21:48] Adam: Don’t use my name
[21:48] RegretfulMorn: theres a million adams
[21:49] Adam: You don’t change the names?
[21:49] Adam: You gonna make me look bad?
[21:49] RegretfulMorn: I wingman’d that fat piece of shit for you, the least you could do is let me make a post
[21:49] Adam: Lol
[21:50] RegretfulMorn: I’ll take that as a yes, I got some good pics I’ll show you in a min
[21:50] Adam: She wasn’t that fat….she was fuckin drunk tho
[21:51] RegretfulMorn: I didnt add those dimples on her thighs with photoshop

[22:10] Adam: Oh and I have antiseptic mouthwash in my car…when I drove home I gargled and spit in the street
[22:13] RegretfulMorn: hahaha

April 14, 2008 Posted by | Regretful's Blog | , , | 3 Comments