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Walk of Shame – Twins in the Tub

This one is from Megs.  You’re a filthy girl, and I owe you breakfast.

——–

My roommate and I were dating two guys who were twins.  One night after a football game we all went back to their house for some drinks and hot tubbing.  It was actually their parents house but they were out of town so we decided to make the most of it.

I had no idea that drinking in a hot tub can make you incoherent after about 30 minutes.  My roommate Beth got out after about 45 minutes and her boyfriend Mike followed her.  My boyfriend Justin and I stayed in a bit longer.  He was all over me and I really didn’t know why.  We had already slept together earlier that night, so I was surprised that he was ready to go again…

One thing lead to another and we end up going for it right there in the dark.  I was exhausted so I grabbed my towel and headed inside.  Here’s where things get crazy…

Mike and Justin are identical twins but you can always tell them apart easily (even if you don’t know them) by the clothes they wear.  Justin always walks around in these brown shredded Birkenstocks and Mike is more of a tennis shoe type of guy.  So when I see Beth (who is barely awake) and Mike sitting on opposite ends of the couch I immediately look down. 

You guessed it, I see the Birkenstocks…

Did I just…Yes I did.  Just as I was feeling my gut sink I hear the door open again.

“You owe me 20 bucks bro, she went for it!”

Long story short, Beth and I are no longer dating the twins.  Assholes.

birkenstocks.jpg

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April 25, 2008 Posted by | Walks of Shame | , , , | 1 Comment

Regretful Submission – Shit sheets Kevin

Name: Kevin

Age (at the time): 29

Profession (at the time): Construction Supervisor

Location: Saint Paul

We had just finished a fairly large job so I decided to take a handful of my co-workers out for drinks. Things were winding down and I was about to call it a night when a group of obnoxious drunk girls came stumbling in.  One was trying to shoot pool and fell on her ass, while the other 2 girls cackled like Hyenas.

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That’s when Kristen came over and introduced herself in a very lady like way…

“Hey guys!  Do you know how much skin it takes to cover the head of a penis”?

Dumbfounded we all sort of just looked at each other.  Before we get a chance to speak she says:

“About this much!” and stuck out her tongue.

We all laughed and she went back to her table with the rest of the ladies who had not stopped cackling.

I then made one of the worst judgement calls of my life.  Feeling a bit buzzed I went over to their table and insisted that they come have a drink with us. 

A few pitchers of beer later I decided again that it was time to go.  This time Kristen asked me if she could get a ride home.  Apparently her friends were being slutty and she just wanted to get out of there.

Three minutes into the drive Kristen explains to me that her house is very hard to find in the dark.  Taking that as my Que I let her know she could stay the night at my place and I would take her home early.

We get to my place and I mix up a couple of screw drivers.  Before I know it we’re in my bedroom doing the deed.  I kept telling myself to reach for the condom bowl but I was wasted.  Thankfully I didn’t last long and was able to successfully place my DNA on her stomach.

We both passed out not saying much.  We were both super hammered.  Around 4am I awake to a foul smell, and Kristen is no where in site.  I look over at her side of the bed and see a giant brown spot.  This makes me gag and I hurl myself into the laundry room.  Here I see Kristin in a towel over the washing machine. 

 Me “What the fuck is going on here”

Kristen “I had an accident”

Me “Jesus Christ”

I planted myself on the couch where I pass out until about 11am.  Kristen was no where in site and my bed was stripped.  I could not believe that I just had intercourse with someone who left a mud painting on my bed. 

Over a week goes by and still no word from Kristen (thankfully).  My mom had come by to drop off some tools that I let her borrow.  I told her to place everything in the laundry room and I would sort it later.  Then I hear my mom shriek

“Kevin what in gods name is…”

I ran to the laundry room only to see my mom holding up a pair of panties with a coat hanger.  The panties were brown and covered in dry shit.  They were also completely stiff. 

My mom looked at me in shock and said “what in the hell kinda girls are you bringing here”.

I’ve never been more ashamed in my life.

April 11, 2008 Posted by | Regretful Stories | , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments