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Regretfulmorning.com

Why you shouldn’t buy GTA for your 7 year old…

This is some damn good parenting.

Grand Theft Auto 7 Year Old – Watch more free videos

Regretful Submission – The latina who needed hygiene’a

Name: TenX

Age (at the time): Early 20’s

Profession (at the time): DirecTV Rep

Location: So Cal

So I’d just gotten out of school, and still trying to figure out what the hell I was going to use my degree for. Wound up getting a job selling DirecTV (aka the shit sales job). It’s easy, basically, people would call you and ask questions, you’d answer them and proceed to hook them up with the most expensive package known to man. It was commission-based anyway, so besides hooking my friends up with $8.99 single satellite systems,  I’d basically to do my best to make sure you wound up with everything I could sell you. This was particularly easy among females because I have a really deep voice, and when it comes to me eating and you losing money, #1 wins every time.

This couldn’t be more accurate…

We’ve all been in these shoes.  Beer goggles are one of the things that inspired me to make this site.

Alcohol Makes Girls Sexy – Watch more free videos

Walk of Shame – The Lingerie Stumble

 

One morning I woke up at the frat house ready to leave, when I realized that all I had on was lingerie (the night before it had been a lingerie party).  Shiiiiiit!  I couldn’t walk home in that.  Mind you I walked to the frat house wearing that (but it was dark and I was drunk) so that doesn’t count. So I wake up the guy I had stayed with and asked him if I could borrow clothes.  He throws me a pair of sweats. So I put them on and head out the door.

Regretful Submission – Fat Girl = New Bed

This story comes to us from a guy who has done 2 tours in Iraq.  Ooooorah! 

Name: J.W.

Age (at the time): Early 20’s

Profession (at the time): Student

Ok so here is one for all you jerkoffs that go around saying that they would never fuck a fat chick.  Here I am in 2003 freshman in college, and fresh out of a tour in Iraq.  I am fucking everything that I can get remotely close to my meat stick, and up to this point they have all been worthy of stuffing my cock in.

Well on the night of this incident I was out with some buddies who are some champion pussy ropers.  We go out to this bar for some karaoke and just some general good times to start the night, with no intention of pulling anything out of this bar. 

If you were to see this bar you would understand why. I will paint a picture for ya.  Imagine a bar that was built about 70 years ago and has not been renovated or built onto since.  Loggers in full logger garb from the nearby lumber mill are the main clientele.  So you can imagine the type of chicks that hang in here.  Thus, a good reason not to hook up with any of them.

Here I am (a few shots and 8 or so beers along) when this chick starts looking my way.  She looks pretty good in the low light from where I am standing.  Of course she is sitting down so I cant really tell how big this chick is.  Well a few more shots and a couple beers later she decides to come over and ask me for a light.  I light her up and she starts up a conversation. 

One thing leads to another and the next thing I know I am playing a game of pool with her.  Now I have a thing for big tits…luv em, and she keeps bending over and these things are about to jump out of whatever slutty shirt she was wearing.

Well to kinda hurry this along my buddies see what filthy things are about to happen to me so they take off and leave me at the mercy of this fat ass.  She was about 5ft 9in and pushing about 180.

So the bar closes down, I pile into my car, and we head to my house.  Yeah yeah I know never bring a fat chick to your own house.  I was drunk what can I say.  We get upstairs and I start in on this bitch.  I feel like one of the old time buffalo hunters skinning a prize kill.

So as I am piling this girl up on my old ass bed when mid stroke, the fucking bed breaks.  No shit the mattress goes right through the frame on one side.  Now a lesser man may have stopped right there, but not this fuckin champ.  I kept going on this lopsided bed until I had finished. 

I woke up in the morning wondering what the fuck happened to my bed the night before, and then it hits me.  So I tell this filthy whore (who had not left) that I have to go work out, and that she needs to get her fat ass out from under my covers and into my car so I can drop her off. 

During the drive I brought up the thought of her buying me a new bed frame…..(that didn’t go over so well)  So I had to buy a new one myself.  Hey I needed a new bed anyway right?

I think the Moral here is:  When you need to buy a need bed, have a fat filthy sloth completely break your old one first? 

And this years Darwin award goes to…

Riding a Wheelie = ballsy

 Riding a Wheelie going fast as fuck = very ballsy

 Riding a Wheelie fast as fuck into oncoming traffic = me laughing and pointing at my monitor

Bad Motorcycle Wheelie Crash – Watch more free videos

Walk of Shame – Twins in the Tub

This one is from Megs.  You’re a filthy girl, and I owe you breakfast.

——–

My roommate and I were dating two guys who were twins.  One night after a football game we all went back to their house for some drinks and hot tubbing.  It was actually their parents house but they were out of town so we decided to make the most of it.

I had no idea that drinking in a hot tub can make you incoherent after about 30 minutes.  My roommate Beth got out after about 45 minutes and her boyfriend Mike followed her.  My boyfriend Justin and I stayed in a bit longer.  He was all over me and I really didn’t know why.  We had already slept together earlier that night, so I was surprised that he was ready to go again…

One thing lead to another and we end up going for it right there in the dark.  I was exhausted so I grabbed my towel and headed inside.  Here’s where things get crazy…

Mike and Justin are identical twins but you can always tell them apart easily (even if you don’t know them) by the clothes they wear.  Justin always walks around in these brown shredded Birkenstocks and Mike is more of a tennis shoe type of guy.  So when I see Beth (who is barely awake) and Mike sitting on opposite ends of the couch I immediately look down. 

You guessed it, I see the Birkenstocks…

Did I just…Yes I did.  Just as I was feeling my gut sink I hear the door open again.

“You owe me 20 bucks bro, she went for it!”

Long story short, Beth and I are no longer dating the twins.  Assholes.

Regretful Submission – Ping Pong Pus…

 

Name: Jacob

Age (at the time): 22

Profession (at the time): student

Location: Thailand

Set the scene. Strip club in Thailand

My girlfriend and I were taking a trip to Thailand for vacation.  We were supposed to meet up with some friends that we knew once we got there.  If you have never been to Thailand, you need to make the trip at least once.  I would recommend that you do not bring your girlfriend though.

Let me start by saying; this is something that I witnessed, not something that happened to me directly.

After a few days of site seeing we met up with my buddy Sven and his sister.  Sven and I really wanted to check out some of those famous Thai strip clubs that we’ve heard so much about.  We soon realized that this was going to be much harder than we anticipated.  I was not about to ask my girlfriend to enter a whore house and Sven did not live in a trailer park.  So him asking his sister to convince my girlfriend to go, was also out of the picture.

On our last night in Thailand the 4 of us went out to dinner.  After dinner the girls were tired and wanted to call it a night.  Sven and I saw this as a perfect opportunity to have one last hurrah before we left.

The 4 of us headed back to the hotel where Sven then said “Hey Jacob I’m not quite tired yet, do you want to walk around for awhile”.  I looked at my girlfriend to get her reaction.  Her gaze was blank so I said “Ya man you don’t wanna be walking around here at night by yourself.”

The following sequence of events are a bit blurry, but I do remember that we ended up in a pretty filthy strip club/whore house type of place.  The girls who got up on stage did not do the typical song and dance when it was their turn.  This was more like a talent show combined with front seat peep n’ greet.

Then a girl hops up on stage who could not have passed the height test at a Magic Mountain roller coaster.  Next to her was a small cup with about 5 ping pong balls inside.

This dirty birdy proceeded to place ping pong balls in her fun hole, whilst spread eagle, and launch them across the stage.  This made me howl with laughter and clap.  She then pointed her high powered cooter in our direction and blasted a ball our way.  Sven was going crazy.  “Again Again!” he kept saying.  Right as he leans for his drink, the circus freak blasted a ball right toward him.

POW!  Direct hit.  Sven took a ping pong ball right to the face.  We were losing it.  After a fun filled night we headed back to the motel for some zzzzz’s. 

The next day at breakfast Sven looked like he had been in a fist fight.  His eye was red and he could not stop rubbing it.  We suspected that he may have picked up pink eye so we kept our distance.

Two weeks later we are all back home.  Sven still had the red eye, and decided to see a doctor.  From what I understand, the doctor said that Sven somehow got Herpes in his eye.

This was almost 8 years ago and I don’t talk to Sven anymore.  What I do know is that he now has herpes in his fucking eye, and he got it from a filthy Thai snatch that could projectile ping pong balls.

Yes Thailand was cool but I would recommend you strap on a set of ski goggles before entering the whore houses.

Walk of Shame – The Greek Circle

I’d like to take this time to personally salute another mistress of morning mayham.

——–

Ok so this frathouse I stayed the night at is in a coldisac area with like 4 others.  So when you leave you walk past all of the other houses… Yeah, you can see where this is going.

So I am leaving one morning, while trying to fix the hair and avoid eye contact with anyone as I walk through Greek circle.

In the morning the guys sit out on the balconies and drink and chat (picture animal house). So I am trying to walk as quickly as possible, when it happens.  I trip over my own flip flop (don’t ask) and fall face first to the ground. Crap! I hear the laughter. So I stand up and try and shake it off. I look down at my now bleeding knees and that’s when I see it. I BROKE MY FLIP FLOP! Fuuuuuck. So I pick it up and hobble, bleeding knees and all, back to my dorm.